THE DECISION

Last night I had to make a decision. It was a hard decision. One that I have tried to make numerous times, but never committed to. Quit smoking. It sounds so easy to those of you who may have never struggled with an addiction. But to anyone who knows and has had any addiction, you understand. I’ve had people tell me, “Just don’t smoke again.” It’s that easy. If it was, who would smoke? I’ve also had people tell me, “It’s all mental, just tell yourself that you don’t want a cigarette and then don’t pick one up again.” Tried it. Failed. I’ve tried just about everything absent the pills. I’ve done the gum, the patch, the dreaded cold-turkey, the substitute it with exercise thing, the substitute it with food thing, the cut-down and the make your self sick solution. It hasn’t worked. But now it’s affecting something far more important than my desire to smoke. Some of you may disagree with what I am about to say, and some may totally understand.

Let me start by saying, I am IN LOVE. I am so in love with a wonderful man. He is absolutely beautiful to me. He has asked me to quit smoking dozens of times and I have tried and failed him over and over again. “That’s why you can’t quit,” I’ve heard, “You have to do it for yourself.” Well, what do you do when you don’t want to quit, but someone you love dearly won’t have it any other way? Well, you stop being selfish and you give it another shot.

That’s what I am doing. Except it’s not just another shot. It’s my last shot. I told my love last night that if I failed this time that I would walk away. He is tired of going through it all. I don’t blame him. Withdrawal symptoms, lying, hiding, stinky breath. If I were in his shoes, I would probably be the same way. I begged him for another shot. He has given me so many already. But, he agreed. But with one exception. I had to get through the first month alone.

ALONE? No Support? No one to encourage me? My family pretty much consists of smokers, so I won’t get any help there. Most of my friends smoke, with a few exceptions. I don’t have anybody else. But, he is definitely worth it. So, I decided if I couldn’t get the support I needed, I would have to rely on myself. I am creating this BLOG to track my success. I will succeed this time. I cannot give up. I cannot lose him.

So, this is where I will begin.

I will try to update daily. I am sure no one will read this anyway, so it doesn’t matter, but this is how I’ll do it. For myself. I can see how I dealt with cravings and encourage myself daily. Hey, it’s totally possible.

Good luck, Natalie! You can do it! I know you can!!!!!